How you attach to people may explain a lot about your inner life | Science | The Guardian

By contrast, children of unresponsive or insensitive caregivers form insecure attachment. They become anxious and easily distressed by the smallest sign of separation from their attachment figure. Harsh or dismissive mothers produce avoidant infants, who suppress their emotions and deal with stress alone. Finally, children with abusive caregivers become disorganised: they switch between avoidant and anxious coping, engage in odd behaviours and, like Cora, often self-harm.

Source: How you attach to people may explain a lot about your inner life | Science | The Guardian

Ask HN: Parents of HN, what are your best sources for evidence-based parenting?

Here is a list of parenting books recommended by members of Hacker’s News community. All links are affiliate links to purchase these books from Amazon:

How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen, and How to Listen So Your Kids Will Talk

One of a few books that are recommended multiple times in this thread. 4.5 stars with 1000+ reviews.

Cribsheet: A Data-Driven Guide to Better, More Relaxed Parenting, from Birth to Preschool by Emily Oster

Another book that was recommended by multiple people.

Be Prepared

Brain Rules for Babies

Let them Eat Dirt

What to Expect First Year

The Wonder Weeks


The Whole Brain Child

No-Drama Discipline

Parenting From The Inside Out

Bringing Up Bébé

Peaceful Parents Happy Kids

The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems

Unconditional Parenting

Scientific Secrets for Raising Kids who Thrive

The Gardener and the Carpenter

Parenting without Power Struggles

All Joy and No Fun

Selfish Reasons to have More Kids

Source: Ask HN: Parents of HN, what are your best sources for evidence-based parenting? | Hacker News

The Emotional Life of the Toddler

“One study, for example, found that children who showed a secure attachment to their fathers by seeking them out for comfort when feeling stressed had fewer behavior problems and showed more competence in school and peer groups than did those who had an insecure relationship with their fathers.”

— The Emotional Life of the Toddler by Alicia F. Lieberman

The Emotional Life of the Toddler Quotes

“The English pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, who was renowned for his deep understanding of the mother-child relationship, coined the term “good-enough mother” to help mothers and society at large relinquish the fantasy that there is such a thing as a perfect mother—or that there should be.”

— The Emotional Life of the Toddler by Alicia F. Lieberman

Baby vs Dog

It is amazing how having your own kids changes everything.

I love my my dog and because of him I love almost all dogs. I hated leaving him home, so much, that I would not go to restaurants that don’t let dogs in patio. (With Whiskey Cake being notable exception). Every grocery trip, I would buy him a new toy, many times had arguments with wife because he had too many toys. Every vacation we would have huge argument because I wanted dog friendly vacation where we can take our dog.

Once I saw a friend’s child being rough with their dog and dog growled back. My friend got mad at the dog and put him in the crate. In my pre-fatherhood mind, this was horrible injustice. I knew enough to not say anything but I thought to myself I will never do that.

And then I have my own child. Initially, I was treating my dog and my son equally. If I buy a new toy for Ayden, I will get one for Simba too. Simba slept in bed with us while baby slept in the crib.

But soon I find myself favoring baby over dog. Started to leave Simba at home so we can go sit inside the restaurant with a/c. Buying toys for Ayden without buying anything for Simba. Now I sleep with Ayden and Simba sleeps on floor.

And now I find myself disciplining Simba if he growls even if it was Ayden who was being rough with him. Baby changes everything.

Great bedtime classics to read to your toddler

One of the great joys of having kids is reading to them. But unfortunately babies and adults have different levels of comprehensions. Books made for babies are of course not very stimulating for adults.

But at 18 months, Ayden seems to enjoy listening to any random stuff I am reading. There is a lot research which shows children benefit from listening to language. So I have been reading my real estate course to Ayden at bedtime but when I am too tired for real estate course, then I read fiction. I use my Kindle to read in dark. It is perfect as dim glow doesn’t bother Ayden or get him excited at night.

Here are some of the books that are easy to read to toddler. Many of these are free or very cheap.

  1. Treasure Island (Affiliate link)
  2. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (Affiliate link)
  3. The Jungle Book (Affiliate link)
  4. Alice’s Adventures In Wonderland (Affiliate link)
  5. The Tale of Peter Rabbit (Affiliate link)
  6. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (Affiliate link)

The best way to look for cheap or free books for Kindle is by filtering for books that are rated 4 stars or more and sort by low to high price. Or you can use this affiliate link.

Of course, you can read any book though toddlers start to understand sentences now. So you probably don’t want to read anything too scary or R-rated.

Easterseals daycare and developmental delays

Being father is one of the most rewarding experience. And it comes with a whole new set of worries. One of those worries is developmental milestones.

Ayden is behind is gross motors skills milestones. One of the reasons why he might be behind the milestones is that he is very chill baby/toddler. He was always contend playing with whatever was near him. We needed to provide him a lot of motivation to get him to move.

He was going to some really good daycares but there students to teacher ratio was too high. And teachers were not able to provide enough attention to Ayden. So Ayden was falling behind. In Texas, babies to teacher ratios required by law is 4 to 1. We also had therapist from Early Childhood Intervention program visit him at the daycare and they told us that it was a mess.

Luckily, we found Easterseals Carrollton. Over here babies to teacher ratio is 2 to 1 when we started. Right now, it is even lower. Most of the teachers have advanced degrees in child development. They also treat and enroll children with autism. Teachers are extremely nice and patient. And then they are non-profit. And because they are non-profit, their cost is lower than other daycares where teacher to student ratio is much higher.

And then they have a lot of different services like physical therapy, occupational therapy, etc. Therapists and teachers interact and learn from each other.

We are so grateful for Easterseals and tell everyone about it.